YouthFund
🌙 Notes from a mentoring kickoff, written on a long day
Today was one of those days. Emergencies from the morning on, a dozen things that could not wait, a schedule conflict that I had to handle, and by evening I had very little left. I had prepared carefully for the kickoff of an alumni mentoring program I am part of this year, and I walked in fully expecting to sit quietly and get through it.
Instead I walked out energized, and I am writing this the same night because I do not want to lose it. ✨ One thing every mentor in that room agreed on, and I have felt it myself more times than I can count: no matter how exhausted we are, sitting down with students always gives the energy back. So here are my notes, lightly cleaned up, because I think they are useful to anyone on either side of a mentoring relationship, and everyone at YouthFund is on at least one side.
🧭 Reflect, connect, explore
The whole program is built on three words, and I have been turning them over since. Reflect: what matters to me right now? Connect: which people and which conversations could help with that? (I am learning here too.) Explore: what is out there that I have not looked at yet, and could?
When I was going through hard times, I was so grateful to have my mentors, my friends, and my family with me. Being a mentor to all of you also gives me a chance to reflect, to get personal, sometimes vulnerable, and occasionally emotional, which I am also learning to do in a public way as I go.
🌱 Five mindsets I am taking with me
1️⃣ Mentoring is about your whole life, not just your career. Moving somewhere new, deciding about graduate school, a breakup, how to talk to your family about a plan they did not expect. All of it belongs in the conversation, because all of it shapes the career part, and helps the life part too.
2️⃣ You do not have to show up polished. This is not an interview. You are allowed to say "I don't know," or "I am interested in three different things and I am worried about that." Those sentences are the beginning of a good conversation, not a failure to prepare for one.
3️⃣ Bring your unknowns to the table. You do not need answers to walk in. You need questions. Before your first meeting, write down what you do not know yet. That list is your starting point, and it is a better one than any polished plan. 📝
4️⃣ You are the writer of your own life, or at least most of it. A mentor is one example of what is possible, not a prescription. Their job is to offer perspective so that you can explore more widely and then make your own choices.
5️⃣ Mentorship is reciprocal. Mentors learn too. I have certainly learned a tremendous amount in this process, working with all of you. A good question from a mentee has made more than one mentor go home and reconsider a decision they thought was settled. You bring a way of seeing that the person across from you does not have, and that is worth something. 🔄
🤝 What actually holds a relationship together
Curiosity, consistency, honesty, mutual respect, and communication. That was the list, and I do not think it needs adding to.
The practical part is what people skip. Talk explicitly about who is responsible for scheduling. Say what would make the conversations useful to you, and ask the same. Do not assume. Agree on a rhythm, show up, and do not fuss over the format. Zoom, a phone call, texts, a walk. 📅 The format does not matter. Staying committed and staying connected does.
And give it time. A good mentoring relationship is not always a perfect match on paper, and building a meaningful one sometimes comes with a little tension. Show up, stay open, invest in it together, and let it grow into what it is going to be.
Know when to offer advice and when to just listen. 👂 That one is for the mentors. It is harder than it sounds.
🕰️ Two years, eighteen versions
I want to say one more thing, because the room tonight brought it back.
From the moment I first had the idea of starting a nonprofit to the moment I could sit down and share it with you took almost two years, and that is on top of the ten years before it. As a good student, I had the chance to listen to a lot of talks, and I was fortunate to walk into a lot of meetings in those two years. Many of them did not seem so relevant at the time. Most were not about entrepreneurship at all: an anthropology session, a US history lecture, pre-law advising, music. Then, at some later point, it was suddenly obvious what each one had been for, and the dots connected. And, beyond words, I have made peace with the things only time could teach me, and I am grateful for the path, for the lessons, and for the moments in it. 🙏
A former pre-law advisor of mine, one of the most generous and brilliant people I know, told me to think about scale when the idea was barely an idea. An education policy course gave me the language for what I was trying to do. A summer placement at a business school had me hammering out business plans and operations plans, which I was not good at, with some of the best advisors I could have asked for. I lost count of the revisions somewhere around version eighteen. 📄 Many thanks to my mentors for their patience and guidance. And now, at a law school, I am surrounded by lawyers and future lawyers who care about the public interest, and who keep asking me how this can be sustainable and how it can grow.
None of that happened in one conversation. It happened because people kept showing up for me, and because I kept showing up for the conversations even on days when I would rather have just gone home.
I will share my mistakes and the roads I wish I had taken. We all have our lives, and it is okay that we have not fully figured them out. When I think about it, we do not have to do it alone. You should do it with us, with your peers, with your friends and friends to be.
When I was asked why I wanted to be a mentor, one reason is that I have benefited so much from my own mentors, and this is one way to pay it forward. I mean it: I want to help you, listen to you, and support you. And perhaps you are in high school right now. What a great time to be you. The world is out there waiting for you, and I cannot wait to be a part of that journey.
So when I say that talking to a student energizes me at the end of a long day, I mean it, and I mean it because I was on the other side of that table not very long ago, and in many ways still am. I am a mentor, and at the same time I am a mentee as well. Neither person has to have everything figured out. That is the whole point. 💛 As I said, learning is the best part, and we should all keep learning.
If you have a mentor, write down your unknowns this week and bring them. If you are a mentor, ask your mentee what they hope to get out of this, and build from there. This one is for my wonderful students and for our team.
Ariel 🌱